nice god

All this time I've written like i loved everyone
like it was barrrrcelona or korea or tokyo
sichuan or mexico
that i loved like a lover

or it was a lover that i loved like a lover
but its just my lovely God that i love that's all these
mountains, fir trees, city streets
coffeeshops, beautiful and terrible things.

All along it's only been
God
playing around,
pouring out this music
and i've been desperate to hear it
swooning.

And sometimes more than others
i take off all my clothes and i peel off my old silly skin
and lose my hair in handfulls and i rush
a sack of bones and sinew
headlong at the cool waters below the precipice
(don't i, don't i do it
darling yes, i do)

i take off everything and run to God
to the arms of the one i love and say in a fit of faith

"i love you and always will,
i've known it was you all along,
everyday,
my jolly buddha,
my pierced christ crying

i've known it was you in Mary's upturned eyes,
in the empty winds of Shinto shrines,
in the canyon's vast night
in the fog and the rain,
in the lightningbugs
of my most blessed Eastern summers.

i've had you to drink day after day
and i've loved you and called you only water,
wine,
coca cola,
coffee,
oreo milkshakes,
but it was you all along,
you foolproof foolish thing

you're disgusting and glorious like me
you bleed and confuse like me
you're just a lover and a lovely thing

God you are free
like me"

and i leap and leap in the dark
it's for no good
it's for my delicate race to sanity
it's the end result of years of disbelief
and a lifetime of asking the questions
only an alien sees fit to ask